


sex ed with the avengers, featuring a virgin sacrifice

by parkrstark



Series: Whumptober 2020 [8]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Guardians of the Galaxy (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Aliens, Asexual Peter Parker, Asexuality, Blood, Captivity, Cutting, Gen, Healthy Discussions About Sex, Human Sacrifice, Hurt Steve Rogers, Past Underage Sex, Religious Discussion, Rituals, Virgin Sacrifice, Virgin Steve Rogers, Whump, Whumptober, lots of snark, no sex shaming here, the entire group just snarking it up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-10
Updated: 2020-10-10
Packaged: 2021-03-07 22:28:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,595
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26935105
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/parkrstark/pseuds/parkrstark
Summary: "I don’t really wanna be eaten for my asexual way of life. I listened in health class. I stayed abstinent. Why am I being punished?” Peter moves closer to Tony.Tony laughs at Peter’s attempt to avoid the Scary with a joke. He’s taking after Tony too much. “Don’t you worry, kiddo. You’re not going to be sacrificed to anyone. Thor will be here soon, and we’ll get the hell out of here.”“And what if he doesn’t come in time?” Peter asks in a small voice.Tony is about to tell Peter that he’ll fight those bastard blind folded if it meant keeping him safe, but Steve answers first, “Then they’ll take me.”Whumptober day 9: ritual sacrfice, take me instead
Relationships: Peter Parker & Tony Stark, Steve Rogers & Tony Stark, Steve Rogers/Tony Stark
Series: Whumptober 2020 [8]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1946683
Comments: 22
Kudos: 318





	sex ed with the avengers, featuring a virgin sacrifice

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry this is a day late! I'm redoing my bedroom completely and that is taking a lot of my time! I will try and continue to post on schedule, but I don't have many pre-written. Most, if not all, will eventually be posted though I do think it will slip into November. 
> 
> This one is more of a light on healthy sex discussions than whump. As an asexual myself, the thought of it repulses me, but others feel the exact opposite way. Just as I wouldn't want to be shamed for my lack of sex, I don't think those that enjoy it should be shamed. As long as it's all consensual and you're being safe, there's no reason for the shaming. There are some talks of religious abstinence (is that a thing right?) to a character that is already canonically Catholic (lol it's Steve). I shouldn't need to warn about this, but I'm putting it out there. Using religios as a reason to not have sex is also a valid reasons to not have sex. Again I stress the importance of no sex shaming here! 
> 
> This takes place post Endgame in a world where Tony lives, the Avengers are all a team and alive, and Pepper and Morgan don't exist. Sorry some unplanned preslash stony snuck in. You can ignore it, but not if you are imagining Tony with a wife and kid. 
> 
> **warnings: crazy alien shit that probably doesn't make sense, rituals, human sacrifices needed but not used, mentions of blood, cutting of chest and wrists for the ritual but not by the person themselves, lots of talks about sex, mentions of past underage sex which is definitely shamed because minors cannot consent to adults! but tony was 15 and in college and was not aware his consent was not valid.**

"Does anyone know a clue of what they're saying?" Tony asks, watching the giant alien creatures walk away from the cell they're all locked in. 

"Yeah, he said you smell like a combination of gasoline and wet dog. They're not impressed, even with their standards," Sam quips from his spot next to Steve. 

"Ha ha," Tony says dryly. "You're so funny, Wilson." 

"I'm honestly impressed," Bucky adds in. "I'm rusty on my Alien tongue. I wasn't sure if he said wet dog or wet pu--." 

"Don't finish that sentence," Tony warns, eyes flicking over to where Peter is sitting next to him. "There's a child like 6 feet away from you." 

"It's a common mistake man. Dogs, pussy cats. I get those two confused." Bucky shrugs his shoulders and Peter chuckles at his antics. 

"Ignore him," Tony advises. 

"He's a teenage boy, Tony. I'm sure he can handle some adult jokes." Bucky leans back against the wall, stretching out his legs. 

That's one upside to being kidnapped on an alien planet: their normal height is 9 feet tall, so the cell is huge. Still, Peter is pressed against his side.

They're all a little relaxed more than they should be after being ambushed by the aliens that they had thought needed their help. Thor had sent them the location and said he'd be there soon with the Guardians. 

Maybe they're so relaxed because they knew they have backup coming or maybe there's a reassurance in being kidnapped in such a large group. Tony knows if it had just been him here, he'd not be so cool headed. 

But he's got Steve, Sam, Bucky, Peter, Nat, and Rhodey all in the cell with him. He wishes the squirt of the group had stayed away, but he's technically an Avenger now, and as long as it doesn't interfere with school, he's allowed to join them on missions. 

"I can't believe I'm stuck in here with you guys," Nat groans, scraping her knife against the metal cot she's sitting on. Tony isn't sure how she managed to keep that when they practically strip searched them for weapons before throwing them in here. Even Tony lost his suit and has to sit in the cold cell in nothing but his undersuit. 

The climate of this planet is much colder than Earth, but it probably has something to do with the fur that covers the aliens' bodies. 

The temperature worries Tony just slightly because he knows Steve doesn't do well in the cold, even in the AC on a hot summer day. But every time he glances over at him, he seems to be fine. As far as Tony can tell. 

"Thor will be here soon to save our asses," Tony says. "Just hold in there until he does, gang." 

"I think this is actually pretty cool. Haven't been off world in a while." 

Tony gives Peter a side eye when he says that. He's been on a few space missions since That Space Mission years ago, but it doesn't make it any easier.

"I'm trying to pretend like we're not in space right now," Tony says, thankful that at least this planet, strangely, has an atmosphere that makes it possible for them to breathe. 

"Kinda hard to pretend when those are our captors," Sam says as one of the aliens comes walking back with an odd looking helmet on its head. 

When it speaks this time, the voice isn't clicks and grunts. It's tinny as it comes from a speaker connected to the helmet. “¿Puedes entender las palabras que digo? ¿Compartimos un idioma?”

“Uh,” Peter was the first to respond, even though Tony really didn’t want any of this thing’s attention to be on Peter. “Nosotros hablamos inglés. ¿Hablas inglés?” 

The alien frowns, messes with the settings of his helmet and then he spoke again, “Do we share a language now?”

Peter gives him a thumbs-up and Tony rolls his eyes. “Great. I’m glad this college education is allowing you to communicate with aliens.” Then Tony turns to the alien and says, “We really appreciate your hospitality, but we oughta be getting outta here. A friend is waiting on us.” 

“We need you,” one of them says. “Our people, they are starving.” 

Tony doesn’t like the sound of that. “And let me guess: your race loves the taste of humans.”

The alien pulls a disgusted face. “Definitely not. You’re much too bitter.”

“So then what do you want?” Sam asks hesitantly. 

“Our god does though. He enjoys humans very much. And to please him so we are rewarded with food, we must give him a human.” 

“Oof,” Tony says, already knowing he’s been hanging out with Peter too much. “Too bad we aren’t human. Good try!” 

“We are not stupid.” 

Steve gives Tony a look and he just shrugs his shoulders. “Can’t blame a guy for trying.” 

“We can smell the humanity in you. It’s sickening, but our gods will love it. We only need one of you, and then we’ll let the others go.” 

“How nice of you.” 

“Tony,” Rhodey mutters, “Stop egging them on. You make them angry and we’re all dead before we can even get out.” 

“You know,” Tony says, ignoring Rhodey. “You might like big, blond, and beautiful over there.” He gestures his head to Steve. “He’s extra muscly. Mmmm, tasty.” 

Steve isn’t impressed by his joke even when Tony laughs. “Tony.” 

“I’m joking!” Tony throws his hands up to the alien as he looks at Steve. “You really think I’m gonna let some alien race use you as a sacrificial ritual?” 

The alien huffs and either doesn’t appreciate or doesn’t understand Tony’s humor. Might be a human thing. “We need a special human.” 

“Like, a double jointed kind of special or a superpowered kind of special. Because blondie might not be double jointed, but he can eat 13 burgers in one sitting. That’s a superpower, right?” Tony really doesn’t know when to stop...until he hears the alien’s next words. 

“No. We need a human virgin.” The cell goes silent. “We can smell at least one in here. We have some time until the sacrifice, so you have your time to say goodbye, but when I come back, we ask you to come quietly or you all are sacrificed to the gods.” 

Then the alien just leaves them and goes back to working on the stuff they have going on at the altar. 

“Wow, they’re not even gonna say goodbye,” Tony says. “How rude.” 

“Do you ever get tired of the crappy jokes, Stark?” Sam asks, leaning against the wall, rolling his eyes. 

“Rarely.”

“So, what’s the plan here, boys?” Natasha asks, not sounding very concerned at the mention of a sacrifice that will feature one of them. 

“Well,” Tony says. “I think this might be a surprise to many of you. But alas, I am off the board for a possible sacrifice. I haven’t been a virgin since 1986.”

“Wow, you’re old,” Peter says without missing a beat. Tony makes a face at him.

“He is, but he’s not lying. Unfortunately, I was there for that  _ wonderful _ milestone in Tony’s life.” Rhodey mocks a shiver. 

“Oh, hush, honeybear. Don’t act like you didn’t love it. I know you were just jealous, but you should have asked and I would have  _ happily  _ let you join us.” Tony likes this easy conversation. Sex has never really been about intimacy to him. It’s always been a way to avoid the harshness of reality, so if he can use it again to ignore the fact they were sitting in an alien jail cell, he was going to do so. 

“You were barely 16, Tony. She was a junior in college.” 

“Was she?” Tony wonders. “I can’t even remember her name.” 

“As much as I’d love to hear about Tony’s sex life, we should really figure out how the  _ hell  _ to get out of here,” Bucky says, his voice grave. 

“What’s a matter there, pal? You nervous about them smelling you?” Tony smirks. “You not get the chance to pop that cherry of yours yet?”

His eyes narrow and to someone else, it might be intimidating, but Tony has seen him passed out on the couch at 4am as Natasha braids his hair. He doesn’t scare him. 

“Oh, James is  _ definitely  _ not a virgin,” said woman comments in a murmur that everyone hears. 

Tony looks between the two of them and while he’s not surprised-- just when the hell did  _ that  _ happen? 

_“I’m_ not a virgin, but something tells me that _kid_ is,” Bucky says and then Tony’s heart skips a beat. 

Bucky’s right. Tony has been so stupid to forget about the kid next to him. How had he been so  _ dumb?  _

When everyone in the cell is staring at Peter, his face burns red. “What?”

“Kid, you’ve been in college for almost a year. You haven’t gotten a little dorm room action yet?” Sam asks, raising an eyebrow. 

Peter’s face goes even redder as he stares down at his lap. Tony feels the fierce need to  _ protect.  _ “Hey, alright. Leave the kid alone.” 

“Second I was legal, I lost that card,” Clint chimes in. “Thought everyone was like that.” 

“I’m asexual,” Peter almost whispers and this is the first that Tony’s even heard the confession. No one says a word and he looks up. “I don’t want to have sex. Kinda grosses me out.” 

Sam is quick to recover. “That’s all good, man. Well, not good, since you’re prime target number one, but, you know...you being against sex. That’s cool.” 

Peter chuckles, nervously glancing between all of them. “Thanks. I wasn’t really sure...I mean, I didn’t know if you guys would understand.” 

“Of course, we do, malen'kiy. And if anyone in this room ever gives you shit about your preferences, I will personally castrate them in front of everyone.” Natasha’s soft smile never leaves her face and it’s a little scary. 

Peter laughs as Tony wraps an arm around him. “Alright, alright. I’ll do the Spider-Baby protecting. Thank you very much.” 

Peter shoves Tony’s arm off of him. “I’m not a baby, Mr. Stark.” 

“You kinda are,” Tony replies, with a shrug of his shoulders. 

“All the more reason to get out of here so that he isn’t sacrificed on that table,” Rhodey says, staring out at the aliens. 

Peter moves a little closer to Tony, even though there’s barely any space left between them. “Colonel Rhodes is right. I don’t really wanna be eaten for my asexual way of life. I listened in health class. I stayed abstinent. Why am I being punished?” 

Tony laughs at Peter’s attempt to avoid the Scary with a joke. He’s taking after Tony too much. “Don’t you worry, kiddo. You’re not going to be sacrificed to anyone. Thor will be here soon, and we’ll get the hell out of here.” 

“And what if he doesn’t come in time?” Peter asks in a small voice. 

Tony is about to tell Peter that he’ll fight those bastard blind folded if it meant keeping him safe, but Steve answers first, “Then they’ll take me.” 

Everyone’s heads whip from Peter to Steve. God, this is better than any soap opera Tony’s ever seen. “Cap, buddy, don’t say it…” 

Just like Peter, Steve can’t seem to meet anyone’s eyes. “I’m a virgin, yes.”

“Oh, my God,” Clint says. “This wasn’t in any of the history books.”  
  
Steve side eyes him. “Well, I’d hope not. My sex life--.” 

“Or lack of,” Tony corrects.

“--is nobody’s business but my own.”

“I should have seen this coming,” Tony admits. 

“I did,” Natasha says, though her smirk is friendly. “On a mission we kissed, and it was obviously his first since he’d been out of the ice.” 

“You really had to tell them?” Steve asks, his face turning red like Peter’s had. Natasha only laughs and winks. 

“You saving yourself ‘til marriage like a good little church boy?” Tony teases, and he means it in all fun, but Bucky actually  _ growls.  _

“So what if he is. Ain’t nothing wrong with him being religious.” 

Tony raises his hands. He knows Steve is religious. He’s a Catholic, and not only on Christmas and Easter. He attends Mass on Sundays, goes to church fundraisers, and he even took a training last summer to be a Eucharistic Minister at mass. The guy loves his faith, and Tony has no problem with it. “Just teasing him, big guy. Please get those panties out of a twist before I’m the one slain tonight.” 

“It’s alright, Buck. I know he’s just trying to get a rise outta me.” 

Tony waits for Steve’s smile to sigh a little in relief that Steve doesn’t actually think Tony is making fun of him. 

“Maybe it’s a little bit of Sunday school rubbing off on me, but it’s more about waiting for the right person. Call me old fashioned.” Steve shrugs his shoulders and he’s staring at Tony in the way that he does when he’s not sure if he’s doing something right. For some reason, he assumes Tony knows all the answers to the future. 

Tony gives him a nod and a smile even if he doesn’t understand why he trusts him. “If only you had feelings for me. I coulda used this time to take you from their options.” 

Steve actually blushes at that. “With everyone watching? No, thank you. Besides, then Peter would still be left.” 

Oh, he actually answered that seriously. Tony clears his throat and looks away from him to the mentioned kid. "Yeah, well...They're not touching the kid."

"I agree." 

"I'd pretend to be a virgin if it meant keeping the kid safe," Clint says, meaning every word. Tony knew it. 

"The only reason we know you're not a virgin is your kids. And frankly, it still makes me wonder." 

Clint smacks Sam lightly. "Do you ever get tired of your jokes?"

"Not really--." 

"Guys-- uh, guys!" 

They all turn to look at Peter who is pointing out of the cage to where the alien is coming closer again. Tony moves Peter behind him. Steve sits up straighter. 

"I come to take one now," it orders, unlocking the gate. Tony glances behind the alien and sees at least a half dozen more. They won't win this fight. 

"Sorry, no one is on the menu today." Tony keeps his voice firm, even though he has nothing to back himself up with. 

The alien growls. "I will take one. Hand over the one you hide." 

Steve stands up before the alien can reach for Peter. "You can take me." 

Everyone starts to immediately argue, but Steve holds up his hand and silences them. "If you sacrifice me, they go now. Unharmed." 

"They leave after with no harm. Once the sacrifice is complete." 

Steve's jaw clenches. "Fine." 

Then the alien smirks, showing off its sharp black teeth. It pulls Steve in close and sniffs the top of his head. "Oh, you will be delicious." 

Steve doesn't look back as it drags him closer to the altar. It uses a sharp nail to slice through his uniform and it falls to his feet in only a few seconds. He's then lifted and strapped to a table before Tony can even blink. 

Steve's a big dude, but next to these creatures, he looks small. 

"What are we gonna do?" Peter asks, tugging on Tony's arm. "We can't let him just die!" 

Tony looks down at him, shaking his head. "We won't. Don't worry." Then he turns to the other Avengers in the cell with him, hoping for some advice, but they look just as lost. 

Foreign chanting catches Tony’s attention back to where Steve is strapped and they're slicing into his chest, then his wrists, and the candles around him are flickering. 

"This is some fucked up shit," Clint whispers. "And I've seen all kinds of fucked up." 

Tony can't see exactly what they were doing, but the chest carvings look like symbols while the wrists are just there to let blood drip into a waiting bowl. "Hang in there, Spangles. We'll get you out." 

Steve's voice is shaky and he actually sounds  _ frightened.  _ "Might wanna hurry. I think the deadline is coming soon." 

"Well, thankfully, for you, I work better when I work last minute. You're talking to a professional procrastinator." 

But before Steve can reply or Tony can even think of what to do, there's a crack of thunder outside. Tony doubts that their atmosphere gives them storms often, considering their reactions to it. They're cheering and clapping while Steve struggles in the restraints. 

"Do you think that's their god getting ready to feast?" Sam asks quietly. 

"No way," Peter says, sounding happy. "I know who that is." 

There's another crack in the sky and then something came through the ceiling. Once the dust settles, Tony sees Thor. Beautiful, golden locked Thor with that big hammer ready to smite some alien bitches. 

He surveys the room and when he sees Steve, the grip on his hammer tenses. "What is going on here?" 

And the aliens must think this god is _their_ god because they bow down to him immediately. "We have gotten you food, god!" 

Thor looks from that alien to Steve and seems to catch on quickly. Thankfully, his acting skills aren't too bad. He puffs out his chest and makes his voice boom. "I do not wish to eat that mortal!" 

The alien guy looks up, obviously alarmed. "What? But--." 

"I will give you all that you wish for if you let him and the other ones go."

The alien looks so confused. "But sir!" 

"Now!" Thor's voice booms along with more thunder as electricity crackles through his body. 

That has the aliens struggling to hurry and let Steve out. Thor helps him off the table and then snaps his fingers as with a spark, their gate falls off. All of them hurry out to Thor's side before the aliens can change their mind. Fortunately, they seem both terrified and respectful of Thor. 

"No more human sacrifices! That's not cool," Thor says, sounding a little bit like Peter….who speaking of, is staring at Thor in such awe like he's in charge of creating his little Star Wars franchise. 

"But...sir...food. The plants are dying." 

"Then rain you'll receive," Thor says, immediately followed by pounding rain on the roof and some coming through the hole Thor made. 

Thor starts to lead them towards the exit and with a giddy smile, Tony turns around and says, "I'll leave a good review on Yelp, don't worry!" 

"Mr. Stark." 

"What? I'm lying. They're getting a bad one." Tony pats his shoulder, not letting him go. He won't until they're safe in the Guardians' plane only a hundred or so feet away. 

"Thank you for the rescue, Thor," Steve says, his wounds already scabbing over. 

"You're quite welcome, Captain. I wouldn't want them to eat my family." Thor smiles and Steve smiles right back, his muscles loosening. 

"He's so cool," Peter whispers. 

"Alright, alright. Keep your crush down, Parker. Did you hear what he said?  _ Family.  _ Last time I checked you were from New York, not Alabama." 

Peter tries shoving out of his hold with a blush on his face, but Tony doesn't let him go until they're close enough to the plane that he can run in and go say hi to his other friends. Tony can't really stand those dumbasses, especially Quill, but Peter makes friends with everyone. 

Tony trails behind with Steve and keeps his voice low and free of any of his usual level of sarcasm. "Thanks for protecting the kid." 

"You're welcome." Steve's voice is quiet and unsure. 

"Listen, about the whole virginity thing. No one will say anything to the press. Don't worry about that." 

"It's not that…" Steve hesitates. "I don't understand your humor all of the time, but this...this seems like something you and the others would jump on…"

Tony shakes his head immediately. "Nope. Not at all. There will be no joking or shaming of your sex life, Steve. You have my word." 

"Really?" 

"Yeah. Sheesh. I'm not an asshole. I don't like it when the news goes around calling me a slut because I like to have fun. Why would I do the same to you?" 

"Thank you, Tony." 

"Though, my offer still stands. If you ever wanna have some fun you know where to find me." Tony wanted to wink, but that would make it seem like he was teasing him. 

Steve's face pulls as he sighed. "Tony." 

"Seriously. I know a few good places around New York. We can go to dinner one night." 

"I'm not going to sleep with you just because you're attractive and you buy me dinner," Steve says, sounding disappointed probably that Tony's saying this right after Tony promised to respect his decisions. Except he's reading the offer all wrong. 

"Good. I don't expect that from you until you're ready. You said marriage, right? Why don't we see how the first few dates go?" Tony's smile is soft when he says this, keeping his usual smirk gone. 

"What? But-- you love... _ sex."  _

"I think there's something I like more than sex," Tony comments, hoping Steve knows he's talking about _him._

"But why?" 

There were a million reasons why, but Tony's not ready to get all sappy just yet. "You protected my kid out there. You were willing to die for him. Nothing more attractive than that."

**Author's Note:**

> steve and tony dated and not one ounce of sex was had until steve was ready and tony respected that decision without ever pressuring him.   
> be like tony.


End file.
